I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
