his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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