that's an acceptable place to lick
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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