I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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