You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
