So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
