Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
