she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
