3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
