I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
