My sheets look like a crime scene.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
