my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you win again, gameday.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
