just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
