New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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