I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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