Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
this hospital has no fireball
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
