did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
