Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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