I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
