my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
