Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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