Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
