Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
