Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
