Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
