Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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