Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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