my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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