my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
