I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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