It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
