Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
