it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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