Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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