my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm bleeding and have questions
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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