ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
