I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
