Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
