She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
