I'll bet she douches with gravy.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
