@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
