1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
