I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
