have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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