Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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