I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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