Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
