oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
