How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
