You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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